stepping towards boundaries

tonight i had a friend contact me and ask me if i wanted to meet for a drink tomorrow night. i simply replied, “i don’t drink any more”. his response was, “ever?”.  me, “no” and some time passed and then he said, “so you won’t have a drink with me?” again i simply replied, “no”. and then i thought about it and i asked, “what are you doing tomorrow around 6:30? we could meet for pizza at the cafe. it’s pizza tuesday”. he responded, “okay but i am going to throw some back”. mind you, the cafe only has a beer and wine selection and he likes hard liquor. they are also a coffee shop, so their alcohol selection is sparse.

i took a moment and i checked in with myself and i did not feel comfortable with this so i answered, “let’s just meet some other time then.” moments later, i get “well i am always going to want to drink when we are out”. and with that, i just simply stopped responding.

i don’t think that it was too much to suggest that we meet at 6:30 and then he could go off afterwards and do the drinking he feels that he needs to do. right now, it is not my concern or my problem to worry about his drinking. it isn’t that i would want to drink if he was drinking, but simply i knew that it would make me uncomfortable. it isn’t a situation that i want to be in. i also know that by him drinking, we most likely would not relate on the proper level. again, i don’t need to compromise myself right now to make sure that he can have his alcohol. this journey, at this moment is about making sure that i am safe. that i am tuning into myself and respecting the boundaries i need.

and it isn’t your problem either to cater to people’s needs that put you in an uncomfortable space when you are working to make yourself healthy and whole. we don’t need to take on other people’s issues, insecurities and fragments. and that is OK. it is OK to put yourself first and make sure that you are safe and secure. this is YOUR life. this is MY life. part of taking these steps in sobriety is to make sure that we do finally find a way to be healthy and manage ourselves properly. and simply put, there is and should be no shame in that.