25 random things about moi

  1. i am missing the rain and i listen to a recording of it every night when while i am falling asleep.
  2. currently i am addicted to frozen chocolate chip cookies.
  3. i quit drinking 75 days ago but i had to look that up on a counter because i don’t pay attention to the number of days any more.
  4. recently, i took up horseback riding.
  5. i have a fear of falling but i really think that it is the embarrassment from falling.
  6. secretly i am wishing i had a small farm in a small town, where everyone knows one another and gets along.
  7. i have an unhealthy relationship with cigarettes. my last true addiction. i roll.
  8. it’s come to my attention that a theme in my life for me is the feeling of lack of support.
  9. i love really really good coffee. in fact, i go without coffee if it’s not up to my standards.
  10. kamboocha has managed to replace alcohol.
  11. i love essential oils. i have 2 diffusers at home. 1 i use during waking hours and the other when i sleep.
  12. anything above 73 degrees and i am miserable.
  13. still trying to figure out what i want to be when i grow up.
  14. i wear a LOT of gray. a LOT!
  15. i started a meetup to meet friends. i was incredibly scared but proud of myself for following through.
  16. i thought i would have my own family by now.
  17. i love taking public transit, when it’s not full of people.
  18. i hope to make an impact in others lives.
  19. i love the ocean, but not going in it or eating from it. i hate seafood.
  20. i was born on easter. so i believe i should have 2 birthdays. i am the only one who believes this.
  21. i used to weigh 233 lbs.
  22. i don’t feel like i am 38 years old.
  23. fighting trafficking, suicide and for animals is very dear to me.
  24. i think the best years of my life are yet to come.
  25. i really wish that there were unicorns.
  26. i own http://www.qreaturequmfortquilts.com, work a full time job and work in rescue.

it was only after i let go of alcohol and its consumption of my life that i was able to reach towards the truths that i should have been believing and trusting in all along. putting down the bottle took away any excuses to not love myself. i no longer had this weight strapped to […]

this morning i am feeling pretty grateful for myself

1. for taking a leap and believing that i am capable of great things
2. for actually following through and committing to do the work
3. for being open for change and incorporating new things in my life ie essential oils, diffuser, classes, programs, candles – trying things before deciding they dont work
4. for forgiving myself
5. for putting myself out there and creating a meetup group, a blog and becoming really involved in communities with the intention to help others

thirty days

i almost missed 30 days because i don’t count any more. i just looked at an app on my phone and there it was.

i have a lot of exciting things going on and yet to come. i am filling my life. actually, truly filling my life. this weekend i did things i would never have done if i were drinking. i worked hard on a product for a client, took my dog on a pack walk over an hour away, worked on finalizing a meetup that i created and didn’t miss drinking one bit. i actually don’t even think about drinking at all or alcohol really, unless i am around it. around it, i am just uncomfortable and not sure how to process it, but i do not wish to partake at all.

next weekend i am taking my first kundalini class and on sunday i am trying out yoga church. i actually never thought that i would have interest in such things but i do. i really do. i am looking forward to opening myself up and filling the space. it seems these are exciting times.

over the weekend i also watched tony robbins, i am not your guru. it was astounding. i actually felt that i would be annoyed by his presence but i just loved it. he is holding a conference near me in november and i am really trying to find a way to go. i want to hold the knowledge and self preservation that he has. i feel like i have so much to learn.

and it seems the learning will never stop!!! who knew that i was missing out on so much. my capacity for self inquiry is overwhelming and i just want to take in so much. i want hear, see, touch and feel all those parts of myself that i have closed off for so long. the parts that i have kept hidden under lock and key – and for what? it is not as scary as i thought it would be to unleash myself. in fact, it’s fascinating how much more i desire now. how much more i want. how much more i think i need. how much more sound and true to myself that i want to be.

of course there are ups and down. i have been emotional lately and i attribute that to all the changes i have been making, as well as settling into a new way of life. if something doesn’t go as planned, i feel knocked down. especially, since i can’t latch on to a bottle for relief. not that it ever truly brought relief. and this is where i am learning to stand on my own and cope with the tools i have built, as well as search out additional tools for strength and understanding.

so here is to 30 days and many many more to come. the road is not long, it is just now paved beneath my feet and guiding me towards paths where i now choose which way i want to go.