25 random things about moi

1. i am missing the rain and i listen to a recording of it every night when while i am falling asleep.
2. currently i am addicted to frozen chocolate chip cookies.
3. i quit drinking 75 days ago but i had to look that up on a counter because i don’t pay attention to the number of days any more.
4. recently, i took up horseback riding.
5. i have a fear of falling but i really think that it is the embarrassment from falling.
6. secretly i am wishing i had a small farm in a small town, where everyone knows one another and gets along.
7. i have an unhealthy relationship with cigarettes. my last true addiction. i roll.
8. it’s come to my attention that a theme in my life for me is the feeling of lack of support.
9. i love really really good coffee. in fact, i go without coffee if it’s not up to my standards.
10. kamboocha has managed to replace alcohol.
11. i love essential oils. i have 2 diffusers at home. 1 i use during waking hours and the other when i sleep.
12. anything above 73 degrees and i am miserable.
13. still trying to figure out what i want to be when i grow up.
14. i wear a LOT of gray. a LOT!
15. i started a meetup to meet friends. i was incredibly scared but proud of myself for following through.
16. i thought i would have my own family by now.
17. i love taking public transit, when it’s not full of people.
18. i hope to make an impact in others lives.
19. i love the ocean, but not going in it or eating from it. i hate seafood.
20. i was born on easter. so i believe i should have 2 birthdays. i am the only one who believes this.
21. i used to weigh 233 lbs.
22. i don’t feel like i am 38 years old.
23. fighting trafficking, suicide and for animals is very dear to me.
24. i think the best years of my life are yet to come.
25. i really wish that there were unicorns.
26. i own http://www.qreaturequmfortquilts.com, work a full time job and work in rescue.

short but nothing short of powerful

thoughtful sunday

this morning i am feeling pretty grateful for myself

1. for taking a leap and believing that i am capable of great things
2. for actually following through and committing to do the work
3. for being open for change and incorporating new things in my life ie essential oils, diffuser, classes, programs, candles – trying things before deciding they dont work
4. for forgiving myself
5. for putting myself out there and creating a meetup group, a blog and becoming really involved in communities with the intention to help others

It isn’t where you come from, it’s where you’re going that counts. ~ Ella Fitzgerald ~

thirty days

i almost missed 30 days because i don’t count any more. i just looked at an app on my phone and there it was.

i have a lot of exciting things going on and yet to come. i am filling my life. actually, truly filling my life. this weekend i did things i would never have done if i were drinking. i worked hard on a product for a client, took my dog on a pack walk over an hour away, worked on finalizing a meetup that i created and didn’t miss drinking one bit. i actually don’t even think about drinking at all or alcohol really, unless i am around it. around it, i am just uncomfortable and not sure how to process it, but i do not wish to partake at all.

next weekend i am taking my first kundalini class and on sunday i am trying out yoga church. i actually never thought that i would have interest in such things but i do. i really do. i am looking forward to opening myself up and filling the space. it seems these are exciting times.

over the weekend i also watched tony robbins, i am not your guru. it was astounding. i actually felt that i would be annoyed by his presence but i just loved it. he is holding a conference near me in november and i am really trying to find a way to go. i want to hold the knowledge and self preservation that he has. i feel like i have so much to learn.

and it seems the learning will never stop!!! who knew that i was missing out on so much. my capacity for self inquiry is overwhelming and i just want to take in so much. i want hear, see, touch and feel all those parts of myself that i have closed off for so long. the parts that i have kept hidden under lock and key – and for what? it is not as scary as i thought it would be to unleash myself. in fact, it’s fascinating how much more i desire now. how much more i want. how much more i think i need. how much more sound and true to myself that i want to be.

of course there are ups and down. i have been emotional lately and i attribute that to all the changes i have been making, as well as settling into a new way of life. if something doesn’t go as planned, i feel knocked down. especially, since i can’t latch on to a bottle for relief. not that it ever truly brought relief. and this is where i am learning to stand on my own and cope with the tools i have built, as well as search out additional tools for strength and understanding.

so here is to 30 days and many many more to come. the road is not long, it is just now paved beneath my feet and guiding me towards paths where i now choose which way i want to go.

 

anyone can do this hard work!! (this is not an advertisement for SOBA)

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To all my friends, family, and friends of friends and family: Do you finally want to get sober? You don't have to suffer any more. You can stop right now. I did over a year and a half ago. After countless rehabs, I thought that I was a hopeless case. When I reached out this last time to the familiar people and places I always went to for help in the past, nobody was there anymore. They had heard this boy cry wolf one too many times. They were sick of it. I had exhausted all my resources. I was a man bound to die. Only one man and one facility heard my barely audible faint cry of desperate help. Greg Hannley and his recovery center called SOBA @sobarecovery Twenty one months ago, he and his team at his treatment center took me in when all the other facilities quietly shut their doors or hung up the phone on me. Understandably so. I was more than just a trainwreck at the time. I was a quivering shadow of the person I used to be, and death seemed inevitable. Greg and his team had a solution. Long-term treatment. Slow, simple and effective. I had to change everything. My habits, my thought processes, my surroundings, my friends, my impulses and my attitudes. I had to learn how to enjoy the simple things in life again, the way a child learns to brush his teeth. SOBA has gently steered me into a new direction. One of abstinence, hope, love, family, and community. I've seen hundreds of people here get sober, stay sober, and blossom. I don't underestimate the power of the community at soba. It might be the number one main aspect in my recovery that has kept me sober. The new friends and support team I found here are still here. I rely on them every day. And that is why I am inviting you to join my sober family! Choose to live! People argue whether alcoholism is a disease or not. Either way, I think the cure could be love. They say the opposite of love is fear. I am inviting you to step out of fear and into love. I still live here, and I don't plan on leaving any time soon. You have nothing to lose. Call the intake line today, get in here and come visit me. Tell them Andy sent you and get the VIP treatment. I love you! Love, Andy SOBA (866) 948 9014

A post shared by andy dick (@andydick) on Jul 18, 2016 at 2:06pm PDT

HOW DO YOU GET SOBER WHEN YOU’RE BROKE? [DHS #4]

HOW DO YOU GET SOBER WHEN YOU’RE BROKE? [DHS #4]

unpacking my bags

Worry-less Wednesday: right now i have A LOT going on. i technically have 3 jobs. a full-time job, i work in rescue and own a business for animals and i have recovery. all these jobs brings a lot of work and deadlines. the stress that comes is self manifested. this stress really comes from fear. fear that i am not capable. fear that i will fail. so, today, i throw that away from myself and know that i am capable and that everything will happen as it should. just one foot in front of the other. all things will get done in their own space and time. and that is today what i will own…..

that is how i started my day. and it was a good start, but as the day progressed, i took on the role of punching bag for people in my office. tensions have risen since we have been bought out, as responsibilities have changed in the office. i seem to be the person in the middle. the messenger. the news deliverer. i don’t make decisions. i don’t decide what is or should be. but, i get treated as if i do. so when i am already dealing with an overwhelming personal load and then i feel as if i am getting thrown to the wolves, it all compounds and i am left feeling less stellar. my tensions rose, my patience stammered and i was feeling less empowered than when i had decided to claim my day with positive truths.

i do know better than to take this all personally. i know that this really doesn’t have much to do with me and that i am the person in the middle where others energy, be it currently negative, seems to direct towards. of course i don’t like it, appreciate it or want that kind of attention. i certainly don’t deserve it. but we do not always get what we deserve. these are just people throwing this discomfort upon me. and no, it isn’t fair. it isn’t right. it also isn’t mine to own. i just have to learn to roll with it and let go. it is not my job to get wound up with something that is not truly meant for me. it is also not my job to take on the energy of trying to change their negativity. really, i have to come to terms with accepting them this way and knowing that i am seperate from this.

easier said than done….but maybe this is a greater lesson to teach me how to navigate through life. the only person that i have to answer to, is truly myself. as i am releasing myself of my baggage and the weight that has held me down, it is a good reminder that i don’t have to carry anyone elses.